(no subject)

[effortaverse]

this is deeeefinitely totally fictional. anyway

Psilocybin Experience (VERY similar to my Nootropics experience, but that was less intense/long)

-it takes way more shrooms to get high than you might think. that's part of why the highest dose i have taken had been less than 3g which is considered a Mini dose (as opposed to a micro or heroic). I have physical troubles with appetite lately so it's a little hard to consume the amount of shrooms it would take to have a deeper trip than that but i still found my trips rewarding. it just takes so many god damn mushrooms to get the kind of trip they talk about on tv.

this is usually countered by people making candy or sth instead. but it is not as easy to get candy as it is whole ass shroombies.

-how they get those doses without you eating a fuck ton of mushrooms is by rendering those mushrooms into oils and tinctures and candies and shit. not really doable at home w/o special equipment but ppl who wanna invest do it so.

-it it v much still ingesting a toxin. not a fatal amount, but it is something your body is going to try to reject at first, even though it's already too late. Psilocybin doesn't have as high a rate of nausea as Amanita but it isn't unheard of to experience nausea.

within 20 minutes my vision would sometimes unfocus, my upper limbs would feel weak, and i would have bouts of almost-nausea-almost-dizziness where it felt more comfortable if I closed my eyes. i didn't become non-functional and have never ended up feeling like I actually needed to vomit, and haven't vomited about it. most of the time I would just have some spells of discomfort, remind myself they would pass, and eventually they did.

-during the discomfort stage people start to comfort seek. for me that was sought through stimming; I rocked in place or rubbed my leg or wiggled or tapped my collarbone. gem did not do as much moving around as I did for this so ymmv.

gem said he didn't feel this but for me it felt as though I had just swallowed sth hot REALLY fast and was breathing out hot air. this was not true. sometimes it felt like my heart was racing, but my heartbeat was actually normal on my watch.

the sensation of leaning one way and then pulling back the opposite way became very comforting and as if I was simulating the movement of ocean waves??? this somehow reduced the nausea and discomfort.

i did experience hunger while tripping but needed weed to get my appetite back. this is also a ymmv thing.

-it is not ONLY uncomfortable and it isn't miserable. things start to become a lot more funny and silly. it's easier to laugh through the weird feelings.


KEEP IN MIND WHEN I TALK ABOUT VISUAL THINGS I HAVE POOR EYESIGHT weeps. i cant see far away things and have a scrip of -4.5 and -5.25 and wear thick glasses that have to be reduced in thickness through higher index glass or they'd be p big, apparently

-at the end of the discomfort stage (about an hour in) is when things start to look different. for me white text on dark backgrounds seemed to glow and almost have a ghost effect to them. with my glasses off, my brain would begin to try and draw connections between shapes I couldn't identify. for instance, a rainbow reflection through an acrylic shelf gem has on the wall joined with the colors of gem's other wall decorations to look like this kind of rainbow web. i was very aware that what I was seeing was just my brain jumping to conclusions and putting my glasses on dispelled this hallucination, but i could still see the connections in patterns on fabric and stuff that has less identifiable shapes.

-some people report more intoxication than me? but I very genuinely felt that if I needed to act normal long enough to, say, greet a pizza man to pick up an order, I could absolutely accomplish that; i just didn't want to. this is probably personal to each person, but i was really focused on wanting to take things easy and not push myself, and that I needed to have a restfu time all of a sudden. I WANTED to be frre to stim and chill without being interrupted by the real world, but did feel in control enough to act well for a short time if it was really necessary.

-most of the feeling of weakness went away but it would return in very small spells. i would just make myself sit or lay through them, and then return to what I was doing. these spells were very short and didnt feel inconvenient.

-I felt like I was GORGEOUS. I was CONVINCED that my truest self is a black rabbit with sharp teeth— and not that I wanted to be that, but that I already am that, and other people just couldn't see it. in my mind's eye I had big black rabbit ears and also white gloves like a cartoon. no the fuck idea why on that one.

-music and dancing felt very good! gem said they cried during some of this. i did not so again ymmv but i struggle to cry most of the time so it is more likely to cry during a trip? but not necessarily bc yiu feel bad. i did feel close to crying sometimes and let out a few tears but they didn't feel like i was having a bad experience, just being in tune with my emotions.

-gem and i got along really well talking to each other through it but i have heard other people find each other insufferable lmao. I felt like it was incredibly easy to communicate during the trip and that I was open to listening and paying attention to gem's part of the conversation more, like i was working better with my ADHD and not getting distracted. we had very deep conversations about the state of the world and about our problems without getting mad at each other, which we normally do, but it felt easier for me to phrase my own thoughts in an understandable way?? I didn't particularly feel inclined to take anything as offensive either

-i wouldn't say I felt euphoric myself though euphoria is reported. DEFINITELY giggly, things that were funny were VERY funny but not everything was funny yeah?

instead i felt very OKAY. any time an ocd thought would start i was just reminded that I am fine, actually, and it would go awway. I just felt fine. i didnt feel like I needed to feel euphoric because I felt FINE. i was so fucking content.

-it is not a complete lack of control at a mini dose, but it IS very opening. i felt free to be ~my truest self~ or whatever and as a result ended up getting very teasing and playful. but at some point Gem remarked he felt I was being mean, and i WAS able to dial it bsck bc obviously I was trying to play, not be mean.

i just for some reason went full gyaruo persona? im not gonna assess that

but the point is just bc i felt influenced to be ~fun and free~ doesn't mean I was so far gone I didn't realize I needed to cut certain shit out


-as the first trip wound down i found it very important to write down "everyone should love themselves as much as I love you. don't be scared when you don't feel this anymore. everything you felt on the shrooms was already there, you just found it again with the shrooms." which is not to kiss my own ass but to say that last part as well as to say: it is FAIRLY common in stories i have heard for people to come to SOME kind of realization that they NEED to record.

-winding down from the trip everything just kind of eased off. it wasn't depressing or a downer and most times I just went back to tagging. you may indeed have been tagging with me while I was tripping and I actually was super proud of some of those tags.

-after my very first trip ever I remember having that "I'm okay" feeling and needing to remember that i did indeed have it, because I felt like I rarely remembered what it was like to not be depressed and anxious, and it helped me hold on. after the subsequent trips, I felt more and more equipped to handle the ocd and depression that follows. it wasn't as though my triggers stopped, but rather it feels like I am more capable of handling those triggers and acting on an ocd tactic I started using before the shrooms; telling the thought spiral "no".

I am not cured of OCD and would never recommend a few minor trips as a cure for OCD but it does make me have hope for clinical level psylocibin treatment being effective for me if I am ever able to get there.

psylocibin DOES remain in your system and I did feel freer after some trips but not every time. depending on dose, environment, etc. things will always be fifferent